Spent NY Eve dinner at nana's house. I don't own a lot of polka dots so I wore polka dot undies (hee!) and my watermelon skull-dotted slip-ons. It was dotted so that's close enough.

Photos from dinner can be viewed here.

About 15 minutes before midnight, a black out took over half of BF Homes. We spent the next half hour standing out on the street watching everyone else around us burn their money with fireworks. My sisters were saying that every single starburst in the sky represented about P1,000 (even more for most). If this is true, then a sh!tload of pesosesoses went up in smoke last night.

We went home soon after the fireworks display died down. We went home, I showered and I decided to make a light show of my own.

this is what a "photographista" does on a black out

What is New Year's Eve without a quick glance at the past?

Every new year, I remember a line from a now defunct show I used to watch...

"If you think back, and replay your year - if it doesn't bring you tears of joy or sadness, consider the year wasted."

I think it's one of the best lines I've heard in television.

So how did 2007 treat me? Well, it gave me this blog that I can see has entertained quite a number of people. It surprises me that what was initially really a web-based letter for Paul has become a time-killer for most.

December is officially my blog month. Having written 75 entries for the month and 392 for the year (as of right now anyway), it's the most I've posted for this year...maybe ever.

My year back in Manila, despite my initial refusal to come back, has been very interesting so to speak. My friendship with the people I thought were already my good friends before I left, have become even more to me than I ever thought they'd be. "Hindi tayo ganito noon..."

I've learned things about myself, Paul and our marriage that I never would have known if not for the distance. There's the good and there's the bad but generally I learned that despite the bad, "there" is still where I want to be, and "him" is still who I want to be with. It seems that when I want something, I stop at nothing to obtain it. "through the good and the bad..."

I also realized that we are all growing up and my family will no longer be as it used to be. My sisters have begun to live their own lives and my parents have already conditioned themselves that sooner or later, they will both be in a house without us girls. They are less than a decade close to retirement, anyway. "Malalaman niyo din yan pag-tanda niyo..."

As I was saying to Grace a couple of days ago, I still have no idea what the next year has to offer me. When most people try to look into the future and imagine where they'll be in 6 months or so, they usually have an idea how things will be, no matter how vague. I normally can do the same thing. But for some reason, anything beyond my return to SF is a big blank. Job? Lifestyle? Career? Relationships? Friendships? It's all a big black space. Grace said it could be a good thing, "In a sense that you have no expectations and will just let life surprise you..."

That's very true but it scares me in more ways than I'd like to admit. I've always had a plan and not having one is like walking the woods in the dark with nothing but a box of matches. The only way I can brave through that is if someone were holding my hand. Here's hoping someone will...

Was supposed to be at Rockwell today but when I dropped off Ara's Xmas present for Fort, I found out they were understaffed on a day they need to push for 2nd level sales so I opted to help out and work here. In Krispy Kreme now just working on a bit of the stuff I was supposed to get done in Power Plant.

my new year's resolution T-shirt!
I love David and Goliath shirts! I want to score some more!

Off Topic Trivia:
I just found out that one of my ex-bosses from my first job is Paul's uncle. The world is waaaay too small.

Met up with sila Bea at the usual spot after my dindin with the daddy-in-law and family.

Wala lang lahat ng mga kuha namen.
Full album here.

I look like I had no sleep...which is not entirely false.

In the Fort store. Nothing's going on...

Appointments start at 5pm onwards.

Now what?

Meeting dad-in-law and family tonight for dindin.

I haven't started on my parent's Christmas presents.

Fabulous.

I'm sorry this is happening to you. I was at a loss and could offer no words of encouragement when you confirmed what I've been wondering about for months and months. I cannot even begin to imagine what I would do if placed in your situation.

If you were putting on a show so that we can find solace thinking you are okay, I can understand why. We all need to put on a facade, not just for everyone but also for ourselves.

I hope you find your peace soon. We all deserve to be happy.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

JAMMI!

I gotta say, one of the few things that came out of my being stranded back in Manila for a year was having the chance to meet you.

*choke! gag! vomit*

Jammi's surprise from the night shift Bona boys.

Jammi and Bona's version of a dessert. Low-fat Blueberry ice cream with a shot of vodka.

Photos from the birthday salubong are up in Niki's Multiply. More from Bea's camera will be posted in either hers or Paul's site.

I believe the last time I had cereal was in SF. I miss the sweet milky crunch when I scarf down spoonfuls of it. Walking around Rustan's supermarket's produce aisle brought back memories of grocery shopping in Albertsons. Oh how I love grocery shopping! All the fresh fruits and veggies and herbs! I was looking at the flat leaf parsleys and thinking of all the stuff I can make with it. I miss domestication...bad. Call me a weirdo but this giant, violent turd of a lady actually enjoys being a homemaker.

I can hear my boss crying out in outrage. "You're wasting your talent! Your skills! To be what? A housewife?! You can't not work!"

and I'm SICK.

Fan-bloody-tastic.

The holidays keep getting better and better.

I miss taking photos. Just simply taking photos. It's one of the very few things that soothe me. I miss photo trips. Ones that I used to take alone or with Paul. I never have time or I'm always too tired. I feel sometimes all it really takes is for one person to haul me off my ass and go out and shoot. I miss having a buddy. I've forgotten what it felt like having someone constantly be by your side.

I miss...

In one of my really rotten moods:
Paul: C'mon. Let's go out.
Kari: *grumble*
Paul: C'mon let's go. We'll go to (insert location here) and take pictures. It'll be fun.
Kari: *grumble* *grumble* fine...

It's conversations like these which led to this, this, this, this and this. My day usually ends with a smile and an album of photos to always remind me how life, no matter how screwed up, always has potential to become something more.

I envy people who can take photos for a living and do just that. I can't bring myself to take photos of things that don't matter to me. I admire a lot of my friends who had the courage to say, "F*ck it. I'm gonna do this." Patrick, Owee, Paola, even JA. I'm known as a photographer but can never really just take photos and make a living out of it. I don't know how to put a price to my pictures. The simple joy of taking them seem payment enough most of the time. This is odd specially in my current job where our main product are portraits. I find it very difficult to charge so much for something that I feel is more of a gift to myself. Ninety percent of the time that I'm in the studio, I feel like I'm someone else entirely. I become temporarily relieved of all confusion, grief and anger.

I can't be a photographic machine wherein I constantly spew out excellent photographs. Most of the stuff I take are mediocre and bland which is the reason why I can never have the courage to do freelance work. Once in a while, I hit a strike and come up with something that even surprises me. I enjoy taking photos but can never be called a photographer. I can already hear Grace's cry of outrage out in Rome...but I hope she understands.

Which brings me to the question that I have been asking myself for years. What am I going to do with my life? I hate the office, I can't take pictures and I'm a mediocre designer. Can I survive by simply being a hobbyist and have "day job" so to speak? Because that sure is hell what I'm doing right now. Can I live to be 50 and not have a "calling"?

Mag-papaka-artist na nga lang ba ako? Kaya ko kaya?

Oh how times change...

THEN Boredom Kit

August 2005
Starbucks Ayala Center Cebu
Pentax Film Camera I inherited from my grandfather.
I forgot the model. It's up in one of my storage boxes.
This was the old metal body kind, mind you.

NOW Boredom Kit
December 2007
Bona Coffee Parañaque
Canon Digital Rebel XT 50mm 1.8

I love seeing the difference between these two photos. I took the last one today when I saw the first photo while browsing through my multiply. I still had my journal where I would doodle and write on when bored and my Apacer 256mb mp3 player! I might have left that in SF and serves merely as a flash drive now. I bought that in SM for P3000! I used to be a sucker for Starbucks Caramel Frappuccino, now I can't even remember the last time I had one of those.

And now...I have this blog and have no use for a regular journal. My mac is with me 90% of the time and so are my iPods. Sarap kong sipain shet, pucha dalawa yung iPod! Mygahd. Not pictured is my beaten up pink razr which I forgot to add to the mix.

These are a few of my faaavorite thiiings....
...and then I don't feeeel soooo baaaaad....

So...with all my choices, what did I end up doing?

I did 3 out of 5...

Went to Bona and worked on papercrap

Paul S. and friends arrived 4 hours later to join me for a bit. Then I went to Nail Essentials to finally avail of my bday gc. THANKS PIA!! I had a foot spa and 30-minute foot massage while watching Bourne Ultimatum and Friends eps on my iPod numba two! Hooha! I headed home after that. I think my mom was particularly pleased to see me home again before 8 pm for the first time in a loooong time. I do realize I get home quite late the past several weeks. I had left over spaghetti for dindin then had a slice of Tita Mek's experimental apple pie. It was ayt...it was fresh off the oven so it was still runny and the apples were a little over-cooked but I had it with a mini-cup of Haagen Daz vanilla ice cream!

I'm currently in bed preparing for a night of DIVx movie watching! Too bad I forgot to copy season 2 Dexter eps from Paul last night. I will have to settle for Pushing Daisies instead. Then maybe finally finish watching The Kingdom or Eastern Promises or Fracture. We'll see later.

It's my last day of vacation and I was even seriously considering going back to work a day early because of all the stuff that needs to get finished by year-end but opted against it in the end. I work too damn hard and deserve this break dammit. So I have a few options as to how to make the most out of today. Namely,

• Go to the SPA! I haven't gone for the month of December and I promised myself I will have at least one spa visit a month until I have to leave for the states. Spa services are morbidly expensive there.
• Finally use Pia's Nail Essentials GC present for my birthday. I have been holding on to it since my 80's party and haven't gotten around to using it.
• Go to Bona and WORK! This doesn't sound like a good option but I really do have a lot of work to do and considering I won't have time to do them this weekend because of my shift at Fort, I am really leaning towards this option.
• Stay in bed and watch DIVX movies and shows!
• Go to the SPA branch in Podium and then meet my in-laws for dinner at their hotel in Ortigas. But do I really want to drive that far on my day off? hmm...

I forgot to mention that last bit, btw. The PAMATMATS are here! Well, everyone except the one I want to be here. I had no idea they were coming until my mom mentioned she saw lola in the airport. Paul's cousin called me yesterday to have dinner with them but I already made plans with sila Bea and didn't really want to go out to Rockwell. I will have to see my father-in-law and his family sometime this week or the next. It would be nice to see them. I think it's safe to assume that Paul's family has warmly welcomed my arrival to the family. Even he says they seem to gravitate towards me more than him during family gatherings. Which is ironic since I don't really have the ability to "socialize" in these kinds of events. He has the charm to chat up old people and even seem genuinely interested. Hahaha. But honestly, Paul is very charming and chatty it's so easy to like him. He won me over with mere conversation. It's this trait that freaks me out now that he's alone and can easily be snapped up flirtatious women. Ugh! SLUTS AWAY! That dork is MINE!

Whoa.

The supposedly innocent blog about to-do's has become a little nutty. Shall I end it here? I think so.

OO NA! AAMININ KO NA! MAMI-MISS KO KAYO SOBRA. WALA AKONG GANITO SA STATES! Wala nanaman akong friends. Mag-isa nanaman ako at walang kausap. FINE! Sunod nalang kasi kayo dun eh. Please?

As soon as we got back from Pangasinan, I quickly contacted the usual suspects and asked what we're doing tonight. Sabi ni Paul inuman as usual. Bea was to be off from work at 6pm and Niki should be out by 9pm but I couldn't stay in my house any longer so I showered and scooted off to Paul's house where I started watching season 2 episodes of Dexter while he napped.

nakatanday sa sofa ang bondying

We picked Bea up as soon as she got home and headed out to ATC where we were to meet Niki and have dindin at Fridays.

where we had these...

Tossed Tomato Basil Pasta with grilled chicken, Chicken Fajita Nachos, Sizzling Chicken and Cheese, Tuscan Chicken Sandwich (not pictured) and the mudpie. (Pansin niyo puro chicken? Mahal yung meat and seafood eh)

TGIFridays re-worked their menu and added new stuff so we opted to try their new dishes except for the classic mudpie for dessert.

We had those 20% discount coupons so we shared all of these and split the bill. Paul ordered the pasta and kept insisting that we get from his plate kasi daw...

"hoy, kumuha kayo dito, ayoko bayaran 'to ng buo..."

translated for the slow witted: He wanted us to share with the pasta so he wouldn't have to pay for it himself. As soon as Bea mentioned we were splitting the whole bill in 4 anyway, he began gulping down her iced tea. Sorry, mga kuripot kami eh. Pero sa Fridays kumakain, joskohpo. Katatapos lang ng pasko, wala kaming mga pera. This is probably the second most expensive Christmas I had. Last year is the first as I bought Paul his Xbox 360.

What happened next was...
We watched more, uhm, "questionable" movie choices the rest of the night. We're considering having those replace tuesday Heroes night until the series goes back on air.

So, the Scrooge is back in Manila. I'm talking about me so wag kang ma-guilty.

How was your Christmas? Mine was, uhm, well, so-so. Ok fine it wasn't great. The only reason I went to Alaminos with them is because they were going to the beach on Christmas day. But not even that trip made the whole thing worth it. I can't help but feel that I would have enjoyed Christmas more if I'd just asked Niki to come over and we would drink ourselves silly and pass out on the living room. Now THAT would have been fun.

Sigh...

I hate how my voice sounds. Jammi once described it as "palengke slut." I swear that girl is gonna get it from me one day.

Check out my mom...

As soon as we hit the water, I got lazy to bring out my camera so no bikini shots here. Going to the beach with family might mean lots more food but somehow, nothing beats the beach with friends. Even if we're on a budget as long as we get drunk and prune ourselves in the water.

Note to Niki, Paul and Bea: I want another Nasugbu trip. Or Laiya naman tayo para maiba!

Preview below. Full album here.

Look how they re-painted my great grandfather's "shrine"

Yellow and blue! How horrible.

Lucap Port

at Scout Island

Freshly colored tootsies

Finished season 1 of Dexter last night. OMFG that show was the sh!t. Paul (S)!!! I want season 2 when I get back ok?!? I hate how I sober up fast now. I get really red when I drink but it don't last me very long. Crap.

Preview photos below. Full album here.

wala si Kim magawa

Mom's Holiday Spread
caesar salad, roast turkey, pancit molo, baked pasta, lengua, potato salad, baked salmon, candied apples and (not pictured) kim's blueberry cheesecake, baklava and mahablanca.

my throne

at sino ka-text mo hmm?

Christmas buddy

making the most of the internet connection