Floating in the most Peculiar way/and the Stars look very different today
written across her chest with a star pendant

The amazing piece is her own design. I loved it so much I'm asking her to design my second one which I should be getting very soon.

Louiie, please put up a restaurant in New York and hire me. PLEASE.

I've been up for 19 hours straight. Been standing for 80% of that. Woke up early to do laundry and to see Omar a bit before I head out again. Tita Chon requested I wake up a little early one time because a few days ago when she told Omar to pray, he said, "Dear God, thanks for everything and I hope I see Kari tomorrow." I've been so busy and tired that I'm sleeping when he leaves for school and I get home when they're all sleeping already. I felt horrible this morning when he waited for me after my bath to say that he's set up a little game for us to play but I couldn't sit and stay because I was running late for work.

Since yesterday was dead, Ben canceled both Brian and Benjamin's shifts which left me and Paul running everything by ourselves. The only thing was, today was nothing like yesterday. We were packed and busy until closing time (12:30am!!!). I was so out of it and dazed that if I needed any more reason to show everyone how much on an idiot waitress I am, today was it. There was this one table that spoke to me like I was retarded, "We actually changed our mind and ordered the large sake. We told you this but maybe you didn't hear..." I kept making them repeat their orders because I couldn't understand anything. I gave a man another beer when he specifially told me he no longer wants one. I was so tired and sleepy that I was half-poking through my dinner and didn't even finish half of it. I didn't even have the energy to chew my food. By 10pm, I was obviously cranky and no longer in my usual jovial mood. They all seemed to notice since they kept asking if I was okay. When the restaurant closed, everyone brought out the cleaning stuff and started scrubbing floors and chairs. I wanted to die. Ben did spare me the agony of suffering through that and sent me home. I bought a pack of cigarettes on my way to the subway and smoked a stick. I wanted to collapse. Wala na siguro ako sa isip ko because I took the D train and missed my stop. I had to turn around and take the train back and rode the N to Queens in a somewhat zombie state. I got off one stop ahead of my usual since I didn't feel like waiting 40 mins again for the bus to come. I had never taken this route before and assumed it would be easier. I got off the train station and followed all the people walking out thinking they were heading to the bus stop. I was wrong. I walked a few blocks against 27 degree wind and said "F*ck it! I'm not walking again!" and took the first cab that stopped. I got home by 2am.

On Monday, I'm meeting Rann and his friend Mica to check out an apartment in Brooklyn that I may share with Mica. Hopefully it's a good area and easy to get to by train. I really don't want to ride any more busses going home. The rent is a little more that I was hoping to pay and I'm still not entirely sure how much money I can make in a month doing what I do. I just hope it's enough for rent + incidentals. There's also the issue of getting me some furniture and other items I'll be needing now that I'll be fending for myself. Life's difficulty level is about to go up a couple of notches. I say bring it on. I'm too numb to feel pain anymore.

Days like these are so weird it stresses you out and keeps you alive at the same time. A few things...

Last night, Paul and Ben left work earlier than scheduled. They obviously had somewhere to go leaving me to do all closing duties alone. Big whoop.

I woke up later than usual today so I was frantically getting ready for work and missed my original scheduled bus. Good thing buses in the morning come frequently and I was only late for about 7 minutes.

Despite the good sunny afternoon weather, lunch was slow and boring. My usual lunch customers arrived without fail and one finally mustered up the courage to ask for my number. I laughed and said he was funny but I dunno.

We set up the Christmas tree at the restaurant today, which I can tell will be a bitch to take care of. We got the real tree and the pine needles shed like crazy. Ben's particularly anal about sweeping the floor so all I can say about that is UGH!

Brian came in late today and showed me the new tattoo he got of a duck. Yes, seriously, a flying duck. Whatever. But he made me want to get my next one real soon.

Benjamin came in and since the restaurant was DEAD until 8:30pm, he started fixing all the liquor bottles behind the bar and organizing and dusting them. I noticed how he kept all the nice bottles arranged and kept the ugly liquor below. He made sure all labels faced forward and all nozzles faced a 45 degree angle. If you know how much of an OC I am, you will understand how the sight of all that gave me a teeny orgasm.

I served Lake Bell earlier. You're probably going WHO?! Well, that's exactly what I thought when I was talking to her. I was giving her suggestions on what to order, etc. and I kept racking my head trying to figure out who she was and where I've seen her before. I asked Paul and he said I probably just saw her in the restaurant before. I was not convinced and was pleased that she paid her bill by card and I got to see her name. If you've seen What Happens in Vegas, then you'll know who she is. That's her beside Cameron Diaz.
She ordered a plate of crispy chicken and kept asking me for "fun" sauces apart from the one that came with the dish. For her last two pieces, she asked if she could get a side of marinara sauce since she knew we had them for the hero sammies. I went with Paul to the kitchen to ask the chef if we could get some and even if I didn't understand a lick of cantonese, I knew the chef was cursing at me. Paul tries to lighten up the situation by smiling. I let it slide. I'm sure this wasn't the first time he's said anything remotely insulting and I've grown used the fact that the majority of the kitchen staff think I'm a doofus. It's in that regard that I'm thankful that I have no idea what they say behind my back or to my face. Everytime I bump into the chef going into the kitchen, he gives an annoyed grunt but I've learned to ignore it by now.

Mejo nasira lang ang gabi ko ng konti because I didn't know that Benjamin was in charge of all customers on the bar AND the ones who sit in the lounge area. Paul, Brian and I pool all our tips together so it never mattered if I jumped in to help take the order or request of a table whom Paul originally attended to. There was a couple by the lounge that were waiting and Brian said they seemed ready to order, Benjamin was busy making the drink for my other table so I went up and took the couple's order and served them. Later, Ben (the manager) finds out and asks me why I took it. I HONESTLY HAD NO IDEA. Apparently, taking tables in Benjamin's area matters since he takes the tips from only those tables. He then proceeded to tease me about how I stole it from him. Napikon ako potek. Hindi ako nagnanakaw ng tips okay! I just got a lot of flack from Ben before about making customers wait so I felt the need to jump in and take it! Bejamin left early tonight for that gig and as he was clocking out, he smiled at me and dared me to steal more of his tables tomorrow. I scowled at him. Then he leaned down (since I was sitting on a small stool) and kissed me on the cheek and said he was just teasing. Mas lalo tuloy akong nabwiset. Bwiset na lalake to. I told Paul to take out the tips from that table out of my share and give it to Benjamin. For my own peace of mind, I don't want anyone thinking I stole anything. UGH. UGH. UGH.

Ben sent me home an hour and a half early tonight. When he said I could go, I didn't even try to insist on staying. I took it and ran. I caught the express trains to Ditmars and I was at the bus stop by 12midnight. But the bus came 40 minutes later so I stood in the freezing cold for so long. I tried to bundle up as much as I could and must've looked ridiculous trying to cover myself up to shield my face from the wind because a man came up to me and informed me that I could wait inside the bank beside the bus stop if it was too cold. Naawa siguro sa itsura ko. I walked to the bank and saw that several people had decided to wait for the bus inside as well.

I so wanted to drink tonight. All the heat and stress from the restaurant makes me want to start smoking again. I wish I had my constants here so I have people to hang out with after work like I used to. Sigh...

Kris (Atendido) visited me at the restaurant today and was an unsurprising hit among my chinese work colleagues. Paul asked a lot of questions about her and gave her free edamame. Hahaha! She's heading back to Manila tomorrow morning.

It was a very very rainy day today. Business was poor during dinner even if we had a pretty good lunch rush. Benjamin, the bartender, came in today (and will be coming in every thur-sat of the week). Since business was slow, I had time to to hang by the bar and chit-chat (chitchat daw oh! malandi! malandi!) He invited me to go see his friend's gig tomorrow after work but in as much as I would so love to go (baket naman hindi? eh ang gwapo niya eh!), the commute home during the wee hours has been so terrible and I don't want to put myself in a situation wherein I'd be stuck in a cold bus stop at 4am. I still have to work 13 hours the day after so I don't think I'm going to go. Anyway, if he really does want to go out, he will take the raincheck. I normally have a difficult time chatting with these americans since it's hard for me to converse without a smidgen of tagalog. I was surprised by how easy it was to talk to him. Kris met him and she says go lang ng go! Hahaha! Bahala na bukas. I really have to move now so I can go out more often! Argh!

Because of subway service changes, I had to take 4 trains to Astoria today. And since the trains took longer than usual, I missed my 12:40am bus and walked 27 blocks home. Thank god Rann dropped off the magic insoles he scored for me today. Otherwise, I don't know how I could have ever managed! Yes!

The entire walk home, I was not sad or pissed at having to take another two hour trip home. The funny thing was that I felt so happy. I was so happy to be alive! It sounds cuckoo but its true! I'm exhausted as f*ck but that was the beauty of it. I'm alive and struggling and living life! Despite the exhaustion and all the other sh1t I'm going through, I know, deep in my gut that it will all pay off. I just know it. Things wouldn't be so damn hard if something mind-blowingly fabulous wasn't up ahead. No one can ever say that I lived such a grand life. It's hard. So VERY hard.

I was in such a weird high on my walk home that I kind of wanted to, dare I say it, CHANT! Hahahaha! (somewhere in Brooklyn, a buddhist is laughing) I dunno, I was talking to Ging about it the other day. When Rann took me to SGI last Sunday, I felt odd. But odd in a good way. I've always been partial to Buddhism, out of all the other religions I've read about. But I've never wanted to practice anything for real. I've considered myself somewhat of an agnostic for years now, much to the dismay of my very catholic mother. As quoted from their website "This Buddhist practice leads to empowerment and inner transformation or 'human revolution' which enables individuals to take responsibility for their lives and contribute to building a world where people of diverse cultures and faiths can live in peace." If you think about it, it's not really a religion as how Filipinos view it. I've come to see it as a lifestyle, or a way to help you grab your own life by the nuts and steer it towards the direction you want it to go. As I was watching everyone around me chant around me last Sunday, I almost felt a twinge of jealousy. Here was a group of people who gather together and help each other be the best version of themselves and live their life according to how they want it, without having to offer their lives up to some other higher power. It was so empowering and ridiculously scary.

Rann, I know why you took me there last Sunday, and I have to admit I left the center a bit skeptical. I left there thinking that if I were ever to join you guys, it will take a lot of reflection on my part whether or not I really, really want to do this, just as my decision to remain in New York had to come from me and not through the influence of other people. Hinay hinay muna ako. You keep making me ride the express trains in life. I'd like to make sure I'm going the way I want to go first before I hop on. I just though it would please you to know that I am considering it.

Well enough of all that nonsense, I must have bored most of you readers by now. Check out the two videos below. The first one was a link sent to me by Christian, who managed to find a bit of time in his very cramped up work schedule to watch it (HAH!) The second is the video Rann and Jordan were trying to make me watch last weekend but I was too drunk to understand any of it. I was already seeing double at the time. They're both stand up acts by Robin Williams. Enjoy!

Btw, yesterday was the first time I had to work without Paul's help! I came in to work and found out he was on his day off! I was left the whole day with the new guy Brian who, even after being there for 3 days, still couldn't do much! I panicked! Good thing I managed alright and was semi pleased I had Brian to do all the dirty work like clean up and set tables. I didn't screw up anyone's orders for lunch or dinner and received the better percentage of the tips. The entire dinner rush, I was silently wishing we wouldn't get any large groups of 5 or higher. Thank gawd we didn't. We did have a busy night but I finished just fine! Kenny had a big smile for me during my dinner break and was quick to comment that I had caught on quite fast for someone who had no restaurant experience.

I did get one annoying customer today and I got a bit of scolding from Ben for a minor little screw up but everything is fine. I'm trying to collect my tips now so I can work up enough cash to find an apartment by next month. Hoohah!