I was wondering since yesterday if people can feign wisdom. I've met a few "young" people who speak and think with much insight on their life and the world that I can't help but be in awe of them. I wonder how they could be so learned at such an age when the rest of their kin are busying themselves with useless activities. I look back when I was younger and despite people saying then how "mature" I was for my age, I can't help but feel that I still lacked so much. I wish I had their same knowledge and outlook on life. Then maybe I would have handled some things better in the past.

Then there are the opposite kind. Adults who act like children. We've all encountered them. I've had a chance of hearing about one just today and personally, I am in no mood to nurse anyone's sorry feelings right now. We are adults and should therefore take responsibility for our own lives rather than pass on our frustrations to others. I'd rather not expound on this. It will be a waste of words and thought.

I've just been in such a "GO! FIGHT! GO!" mood lately that I refuse to be affected by people who refuse to move. I feel like such a hypocrite for saying this seeing that I was one myself (and for a very long time too) just a little over a month ago but I can't be swayed from my determination to push forward. It took Louiie for me to realize that it takes a huge (and HARSH) wake up call to get people out of that rut. It's just that in this case, I am not in the position to hand out that slap in the face.

A few people have been asking me about my recent decision about being a Buddhist. I will be understating it when I say it's been really, really great. That, and being surrounded by a great group of people who continue to push each other forward has been helping me a lot. I feel like a force stream is flowing through me, washing away all the negativity and doubt that keep forming in my head. Of course I still worry about a lot of things: money, job, status, family, history. But despite all that, I feel an air of calmness about me telling me to relax and that everything will work out. I've been shakabuku-ing people who ask me about the practice and I read in the lectures (on the 'Expedient Means' and 'Life Span' chapters of the Lotus Sutra) about kosen-rufu and how Shakyamuni shared his knowledge after awakening from his long meditation without being asked or told to do so. Buddhism was born out of the need to cure people's unhappiness. A lot of the buddhism that's generally known today has diverted from that main purpose. SGI has taken that and applied it to the times so that people in the modern world who claim to seek buddhahood no longer have to shave their heads, go to the mountains and isolate themselves for it. There's just something about the practice and its effects on you state of mind that make you want to share it to people. Again, I am very sure I am boring a lot of you out right now but my point is this, I've just been so rejuvinated by the practice that it makes me want to share it to everyone. I just wished everyone had even just a sliver of the peaceful serenity that's been given to me through all this. Ang sarap ng pakiramdam na kalmado ka sa buhay. The strength to embrace the suckiness of life and flip it over to make you better is something that most people are afraid to do. They see a problem and they cower, run or admit defeat. I have turned my own defeat into a positive (and absolutely fabulous) turn on life. At this point, I can consider myself one of the luckiest people alive even after the worst part of 2008. I am here and I am living, surviving and chasing the dreams that I have long shelved.

Nam myoho renge kyo!

I had work at 4pm today but they sent me home by 9pm since we had no customers. It was a good thing too since I was finally going back to Queens today since the camp group (known as tito ans, joey, james and nana) have left earlier in the day and I had two very heavy bags of clothes. I have about two weeks worth of laundry that needed to get done tonight since I won't have another off day until Sunday. When I took batch one out of the dryer, I saw the lipbalm that I thought I had lost again. It was an $8 body shop lipbalm that I loved. I lost the first one in the theatre when I saw Twilight. This second one melted in the dryer since I left it in my pants pocket. Batch 1 of laundry smelled like cocobutter. Nice.

I wish I had better kwento. I was supposed to go to the Apple store before work for my broken charger but I got, uhm, distracted and I ended up not going. I lugged my baggage home and did laundry and chanted to my gohonzon for the first time! I don't want to photograph my altar yet. I need to complete it before I show you. I have a few more items to buy to complete it.

Long day tomorrow. It's already very late but I again got, uhm, distracted and ended up staying later than intended.

Word of the day: MALANDI.

Gusto ko lang i-share yung masayang araw ko. Hahaha!

It's almost 5am and I got home just a while ago after a fun fun night hanging out with Eisa, Mica and Tom at Tom's apartment in Bushwick. Wine + leftover asian food + drunken conversation made for a fun fun night! Mica and I checked out a really great apartment in Brooklyn. We're hoping Andy agrees to share the 3 bedroom pad with us. I'm checking out another place on Thursday but Mica and I already loved the one we saw today! It's a newly renovated apartment so everything's new! It's close to the trains and close to stores too. If we decide to take it (and if the landlord chooses us) we move in on January 15! YES!

Eisa met up with us later then we had dinner at Republic in Union Square, did a bit of window shopping then headed to Tom's after we scored a couple of bottles of wine from Trader Joe's. Eisa and Tom have this really great painting of them up in their apartment (which Eisa painted btw). Mica and I were so enamored by it that we both asked Eisa to paint us too! We talked a lot about our art (Mica is a dancer, both Tom and Eisa are visual artists, and I'm, well...) and we brainstormed on possible future collaborations which got me really excited. I'm so excited to be rooming with Mica (and maybe Eisa too). I'm just so glad to find such a great group of people to hang out with. Yey for me!

I'd like to share with everyone an essay that Tom sent me. It's pretty long but I hope you all take the time to read it. It's very insightful.

"A Sense of Purpose"

"We realize our purpose in life by doing our very best where we are right at this moment, by thinking about what we can do to improve the lives of those right around us."

"Why was I born into this world?" is a question which everyone asks themselves at least once in their life. I believe that having a deep sense of purpose - knowing in the depths of one's being what one was born for, is a great source of happiness. A successful entrepreneur once remarked that even among the world's wealthiest people, those who lack a real sense of purpose in life often spend their final years in lonely solitude. Sometimes, having amassed great wealth and realized all their worldly ambitions, he found that they were left with a sense of emptiness and meaninglessness.

On the other hand, to be filled each day with a rewarding sense of exhilaration and purpose, a sense of tasks accomplished and deep fulfillment - people who feel this way are happy. Those who have this sense of satisfaction, even if they are extremely busy, are much happier than those who enjoy great ease and leisure but feel empty inside.

A clear sense of purpose gives birth to courage and wisdom. It enables you to look beyond the victory or defeat of the moment and see things in their true perspective, it can fill each instant of life with joy, even in the midst of trying circumstances. Whatever their occupation - mother, company employee, artist, fisherman or farmer, I believe that each person has their own path in life; a unique mission that only they can fulfill.

Discovering this purpose or mission is a lifelong task. It is not something that someone can tell you or that comes upon you all of a sudden. You, yourself, must find the reasons for living, the unique contribution that is yours and yours alone to make. Buddhism uses the example of flowering fruit trees - cherry, plum, pear, etc - to illustrate how each person has a unique mission in life. A cherry tree fulfils its purpose by blooming and bearing fruit as a cherry tree. It never tries to be anything other than itself. It never imitates the blossoms of other flowering trees or wastes time being jealous of them. Rather, it patiently bears the frosts and snows of winter, drawing energy from the earth itself, pushing its roots deeper into the soil. Then, with the arrival of spring, in a burst it unleashes all the life force that it had been storing up, sending forth countless blossoms.

Everyone has some kind of gift. Being talented does not mean just being a good musician, writer or athlete. There are many kinds of talent. You may be a great conversationalist, or make friends easily, or be able to put others at ease. Or you may have a gift for telling jokes, selling things or living economically. You may be punctual, patient, reliable, kind or optimistic. Or you may love taking on new challenges, be strongly committed to helping others, or have an ability to bring them joy. Without doubt, you possess your special jewel, your own unique talent.

In the same way, each of us has a mission that only we can fulfill. That mission will not be found somewhere far away, in doing something special or extraordinary. Even those people who seem to have led great lives have really only done what they felt they had to do in order to truly be themselves.

We realize our purpose in life by doing our very best where we are right at this moment, by thinking about what we can do to improve the lives of those right around us.

I often think of the life of Rosa Parks, an ordinary African American woman returning home after a hard day's work in the tailoring section of a department store by bus one evening in December 1955. Although the bus driver ordered her to give up her seat to a white passenger, as the discriminatory laws of the times required, she refused. Her single word, "No." - the courage of this one ordinary woman - changed history, and her ordinary day took on an eternal significance. Rosa Parks was arrested for her resistance and this set off an explosion of righteous anger among the African American population, largely because of the regard in which she was held - she was respected in her community as a cheerful, warm and intelligent woman. A boycott of the bus service was organized, and within a year segregated busing had been declared illegal throughout the United States.

When I first met Rosa Parks I was struck by her warm personality. She was humble and yet I could see that she was a person of unbending conviction. Now in her eighties, Rosa Parks remains an untiring champion of civil rights, working especially to share hope and a vision of the future with the young people she loves so dearly. Through her sense of conviction, this solitary individual became a leader who transformed the world. One moment of bravery opened the path of her mission in life.

You cannot discover and realize your purpose in life with half-hearted efforts. To follow the dream in your heart and fulfill your mission requires true courage. Not the courage of battlefield heroes, but a courage much closer to home. Most of us, before being defeated by a problem, are first defeated by ourselves. A weak-spirited or cowardly person, before hesitating at the wall of an obstacle, will shrink before his own shadow, frightened by his own imagination, and will be ultimately undone by the coward in his own heart.

Courageous people are first masters of their own heart. I firmly believe that courage is the key that opens the door to happiness.

To create value and contribute to the world, what do you need? You need to develop and polish your character until it shines. The ultimate strengths in life are not a clever tongue or wealth; nor fame or power. The real 'weapon' or 'tool' for living a successful life is what is left over when all empty artifice has been stripped away - the quality of your character as an individual. And small, steady efforts to develop yourself are what will lead you to the greatest happiness in the end.

You will not find your mission by standing still. The way to find it is by challenging yourself in something - I would almost say it does not matter what. Then by making consistent effort, the direction you should take will open up before you quite naturally, just as wide, new horizons open up before someone walking up a hill. Little by little you will come to understand your mission. That is why it is so important to have the courage to ask yourself what it is that you should really be doing now, at this very moment.

It is likewise important to set your sights high. The greater the tasks you choose to take on - one step at a time - the more rewarding and joyful your life will be. If you decide to dedicate your life to a truly noble objective, such as the work of creating a peaceful world for future generations, then you will be able to savor a truly deep sense of satisfaction and happiness.

A person with a strong sense of mission is a source of light. For such a person, there is no darkness in the world. And just as a single lighthouse can guide many ships through dangerous waters, a single person shining with the light of genuine happiness can help friends and family - their entire society - find the smooth open waters of peace and fulfillment.

-Daisaku Ikeda
President, SGI

Ok, matutulog na ko at may trabaho pa ako mamaya.

Me with Miyuki and her husband, Rahul

So last night was another fun night at Miyuki's. I was so sleepy on my way to her place that I napped a bit in the train. Rann, Mica and I got there pretty early. We snacked on cheese and crackers while we waited for the rest to arrive. Miyuki invited a lot more people last night compared to the Christmas dinner so it was a house full of drunken buddhists! Eisa was unable to attend due to work schedule so Mica was my buddy for the night. I drank a lot more than last time and I actually sang! Hahaha! Yes! Me, Kari, the lady who hates videoke, sang and DANCED. I've been doing a lot of un-kari like stuff lately actually. I think it's mostly because of the new environment and hanging out with an entirely different group of people. It has given me the freedom to be whoever I want to be without anyone commenting how different I've become or how unlike me I've been behaving. It's been so liberating actually. New York has given me such a fresh new start, that I not only have a new life, but I've been welcoming a new side of myself as well.


I was late for work today, the first since I started working. I was afraid I was going to get a lot of flack from Ben when I reached the restaurant that I chanted to myself while rushing to work. I needed the strength to take whatever it was that was coming to me. Then I got to work and find out that Ben wasn't there and that he wasn't going to be there for a while, leaving Lily, whom I love, in charge! I received even better news when Lily told me she'd like to train me to become a host. So, I'll be hosting once a week until she can see that I can handle things on my own. If successful, I won't be serving as much anymore. Yey! One month in and I get noticed agad! We had a pretty good night. Despite not having that many customers, the ones we had racked up their bills so it was like having a full house. Lily and the owner are now focusing their efforts on providing good service since the restaurant's been getting rave reviews online for our excellent service.

I'm off again tomorrow and I plan on having lunch with nana and the rest of the family before she heads to Manila for two months. I was planning on buying little trinkets to send to my family back home but it seems I won't have the time to shop anymore. I'm meeting Mica and Eisa after lunch to check out a few apartments in Brooklyn that we liked then maybe watch a movie. Baka demonyohin ko yung dalawa uminom pagkatapos. Tingnan natin... I need to brainstorm with Eisa about our shoot and Mica has expressed her interest in helping out as well. I've been feeling better about having these small group of people that I can hang out with now. It's been such a lonely couple of months here in New York with no one to laugh with that it's been refreshing having such a fun group of people around me.

Seems like 2009 is revving up to be a fun year!

The last day of the year was blessed with a flurry of snow and really windy weather. The few customers we had over lunch were especially generous with tips. We didn't have a full house as we hoped but we had enough people who ordered enough booze and food to constitute a good, fun night. Kelly brought Kyle and their friends over and Kelly got sincerely trashed, AGAIN! She was hilarious!!! A few seconds before the ball dropped in Times Square, everyone gathered around the bar area to see it on TV. I barely saw it happen because I was distracted with the amount of drinks that still had to get served. A few minutes after midnight, I sat with Kelly and friends and enjoyed a couple of glassed of champagne. I didn't have that much to drink but the alcohol, coupled with exhaustion from the 14.5 hour shift I was pulling was enough to get me good and buzzed. I slept over at Ana's apartment since she and Poy went to Manila for the holidays and Cherish was in the apartment by herself. I got to Brooklyn and Chen and I enjoyed a bottle of champagne and chatted and giggled till I passed out at around 6am.

By around 7:30am, Rann called to wake me up to go to the center. He and Oli had to call me about 4 times before I finally got out of the couch to shower and head out. I was late for morning gongyo but Rann handled all the paperwork I was supposed to file to receive my gohonzon. You can see a clip of the morning below. Please ignore my sunken eyes due to the fact that I had only two hours of sleep. I had a hearty porkchop meal with Eisa, Mica, Miyuki, Oli, Rann, Tita M and Tita E then Mica and Rann accompanied me back to Queens to enshrine my gohonzon in the fancy new butsudan I bought from the center after the meeting. I totally forgot to take a photo of it and I will share my new prize soon. I couldn't help but feel a rush of pride as Rann and Mica prepared my altar. I could hardly believe I had my own.


I am temporarily relocated to Brooklyn with Chen since Tita Chon's apartment is full. Tito Ans, Nana and my cousins Joey and James are over for New Year. On my way to Chen's I bought brie, foccacia, dried fruit and nuts, grapes and a bottle of white wine. I felt like celebrating with a nice snack and wine to end such a great start to my year. I told my mom today about my joining SGI and she took it much better than I thought she would. Of course she wasn't thrilled but she said as long as I'm happy, all is well.

I've restarted my hunt for an apartment and Mica, Eisa and I are planning of getting one together. I'll be checking out apartments again tomorrow before I head out to Jersey for dinner at Miyuki's.

The year of Youth and Victory has officially begun! Cheers to everyone!